by Courtney Kamna
"My fiancé has been friends with his groomsmen since he was eight years old. I love them dearly and we get along really well, but I’ve heard rumors about the bachelor party they’re planning to throw—rumors that include both strippers and illegal drugs. How do I let everyone involved know that I think it’s disrespectful and unacceptable without causing a big rift?"
I can totally understand where you are coming from and being concerned, especially about the drugs.
Unfortunately, if you don’t want to start a rift, there is nothing you can do except trust that your fiancé will behave himself and come home in one piece. I assume since you are marrying him, you have established a trusting relationship. How would you feel if you were going out with your friends, doing something your fiancé perceived as “unacceptable” and he made it known to everyone that he felt this way?
I’d speak to your fiancé about it privately if you absolutely feel you need to, but be very careful of the language you use. I would not tell him it’s unacceptable, that word will just evoke a fight. Be honest with him and explain how you feel, but be specific. Why are you so upset about the strippers or the drugs – tell him why and how it makes you feel. But be prepared for him being upset that you don’t “trust” him or are “babying” him. I would absolutely not approach his friends about it because you run the risk of being “that” girl. He’s already ditching his boys to marry you (men really feel this way) and if you’re going to start “bossing” him and his friends around before you’re officially married, it will cause a lot of resentment.
My husband had strippers at his bachelor party too. At first I was a bit taken aback, but remember it’s his last big night out as a single guy. And don’t forget, those women up there with no clothes on, they do not want some drunk touching them any bit more than you do!
As
for the drugs, especially if it’s any major drug, my grandfather used
to say “What a drunk man does, he’s thinking about when he’s
sober.” Bottom line: you can’t let them know it’s disrespectful without
causing a big rift. No huge rift. My advice is to give him something
that he wants to come home to - this can be romantic, sexual or ideally,
both. Men are visual creatures - so however you handle this situation
will be how he remembers you on the bachelor party. Remember that before
you "talk" or scold him.
Since
you'll be marrying this guy, you guys should have a way to communicate
sticky issues like this. Whenever my husband does something I'm not
especially fond of, I always say, "I don't have life insurance out on
you yet, so make sure you come home in one piece." We smile at each
other, both knowing exactly what I mean.
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